


Cold Lips and Beer

by chaerinsthighs



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Polyamory, Post-Break Up, kiho, kiho are still together, past yoonkiho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 16:30:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18525322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaerinsthighs/pseuds/chaerinsthighs
Summary: Hoseok doesn’t know how it happened. It feels like a lifetime ago. One minute they were all together, the next one it was just Kihyun and him. Yoongi had left them.





	Cold Lips and Beer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mkhhhx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/gifts).



> Helloooo!!!  
> I don't have much to say about this work, if you think I missed a tag I should add let me know.  
> Props to my betas, [Art](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tartar_dork) and [Mar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx), I love them.  
> Enjoooyyy <3

Hoseok doesn’t know how it happened. It feels like a lifetime ago. One minute they were all together, the next one it was just Kihyun and him. Yoongi had left them. 

 

It’s been more than a year now, but he still feels Yoongi’s absence to his core. Sometimes Kihyun would accidentally make food for three people, then stare at the spare portion before knocking on their old neighbour’s door to invite her to dinner. Sometimes Hoseok would listen to a song Yoongi used to play on the piano and smile, before remembering that Yoongi will never play for him again. He’ll never play for them again. He left. 

 

They had known each other since they were kids. They grew up together in the same neighbourhood. Kihyun was there when Hoseok scraped his knee for the first time, Yoongi was there when Kihyun was first praised by a teacher, Hoseok was there when Yoongi first rejected a marriage proposal (they were 5 years old and the other kid’s reaction was “Oh, okay. Wanna play tic-tac-toe then?”). They were spending their weekends in each other’s houses, they were roommates in college, they had moved in together afterwards as well. 

 

And two years later, Yoongi moved out. 

 

_ “We need to talk.” _

 

That’s how it had started. 

 

Hoseok was never the person to read the atmosphere. Kihyun stopped him from lashing out, Yoongi helped him calm down. They had their ways, their dynamics. It had always worked that way. 

 

But that night even Hoseok could tell that something was different. Yoongi never talked like that. To Hoseok, he’d sit next to him, start making small talk and after a while drop a question, like “How would you feel if I quit my job? I’m thinking of trying something else”. To Kihyun, he’d wait for the right moment and say something like “Hey, Kihyun-ah, have you thought that maybe you need to take a break from studying?”. To both of them, he’d just drop a bomb, watch them exchange looks, then look back at him, say “Okay” and leave. It was just their thing. Yoongi was shy and calm, to outsiders he might have seemed rude and uninterested, but both Kihyun and Hoseok knew that he was truly comfortable with only a few people, and he always cared and always noticed things around him. He knew how to treat everyone. He was caring and made things work. 

 

So that announcement, it really wasn’t like him. Or maybe it was, but they had just never had to see him like that before. 

 

Of course, that wasn’t the only thing. Yoongi had been more silent than usual for a while. they had both noticed it. Hoseok tried asking him once, but Yoongi hadn’t replied. Kihyun had just waited for him to talk. 

 

Entering the house, Hoseok calls Kihyun’s name once, but gets no answer. Expected, he’s probably at work now. Hoseok sighs and after leaving his things on the sofa he starts making dinner. 

 

He doesn’t realise it until all the ingredients are on the counter, but he’s making Yoongi’s favourite. He thinks of Kihyun. He’ll notice, he always notices. They always know when the other is thinking of Yoongi. They never hide it. So Hoseok keeps making it. 

 

He’s not sure what he expects from now on. It’s been more than a year, but he’s still stuck there. They both are. No, maybe Kihyun isn’t. He changed a little bit. He’s doing more. Hoseok is doing more too. They always had their own dynamics, but without Yoongi it felt like starting over from scratch. They had always been together. 

 

 

_ “I’m sorry. There’s no easy way to say this. I want to break up with you.”  _

 

 

Hoseok hears keys on the door, then Kihyun’s voice. 

 

“Hyung?” 

 

It used to be “hyungs”. 

 

“In the kitchen!” 

 

There are arms hugging him from behind and a warm breath on his neck. 

 

“Are you cooking?” 

 

“I am. It’s not gonna be as good as yours, but still,” he says while feeding Kihyun a baby carrot. 

 

“We haven’t eaten that in a while, have we?” 

 

“Yeah… one of the reasons I’m making it.” The other one is missing Yoongi. But when is that not a reason for doing anything these days? 

 

“Okay, love. I’ll go take a shower.” 

 

Kihyun kisses Hoseok’s cheek while Hoseok replies with an affirmative hum and keeps chopping ingredients. 

 

They don’t talk about him. They rarely have to. But they know, they always know.

 

They miss him. 

 

 

_ “Just like that? Isn’t this a little easy for you?”  _

 

_ “Hoseok, wait”  _

 

_ “Wait for what, Kihyun? Did you expect this? Cause I didn’t! I didn’t even know something was wrong between us!”  _

 

_ “But nothing is wrong.”  _

 

_ “What the fuck, Yoongi.”  _

 

_ “Nothing is wrong. This just… isn’t what I want anymore. I find myself moving on even though I want to stay. It’s been going on for months.”  _

 

_ “Months? Months? And you just announce that you’re breaking up with us?”  _

 

_ “There’s nothing else I can do! It’s not something you can just change, Hoseok!”  _

 

_ “I can try!”  _

 

_ “And then hurt more when nothing changes.”  _

 

_ Kihyun’s eyes flare up. _

 

_ “Don’t pretend you’re doing this for him!”  _

 

_ “I’m not. I’m doing this for me. And for you. But I no longer…”  _

 

_ “Love us.”  _

 

_ “Kihyun-ah…”  _

 

_ “Please, leave.”  _

 

 

“I changed shampoos, do you like the smell?” 

 

“Of course I do.” 

 

“You didn’t even smell it.” 

 

“It’s a smell you like, there’s no way I won’t.” 

 

“Sap.” 

 

Hoseok laughs and takes a good sniff of Kihyun’s hair while the younger tastes the food. 

 

“It smells nice.” 

 

“It tastes nice.” 

 

They speak at the same time and Kihyun smiles and gets in Hoseok’s arms, kissing his neck. He’s always liked it there. “The safest place in the world” is what he used to call it. Nothing can hurt him there. Apart from Yoongi. 

 

 

_ “Lee Hoseok, did you just kiss me?”  _

 

_ Hoseok swears Kihyun’s smirk is so annoying sometimes. And so cute, he’s weak.  _

 

_ “Yeah-I-uh-actually-I-”  _

 

_ “You sent him into gay panic mode, Kihyun-ah”  _

 

_ And Yoongi’s has exactly the same effect on him.  _

 

_ “I like you!”  _

 

_ “Hoseok-ah, when you say “I like you”,” Yoongi continued, “do you mean Kihyun only, or...?”  _

 

_ “N-No! I mean I like you! As in, both. I like you.”  _

 

_ “Then where’s my kiss?”  _

 

_ “And I’m the one who sends him into gay panic. Sure, Yoongs.”  _

 

 

Cold lips and beer. That was their first kiss. Or kisses. Snuggled together in blankets on Kihyun’s old rooftop to watch the stars. Senior year in high-school. Silly boys. Cute boys. 

 

It was so innocent back then. So easy. Their relationship had happened so naturally, it’s like they were made to fit together. Growing up together, they already knew almost everything about each other. It was easy. But different. But they liked it. 

 

They never really cared that they were unusual. They didn’t talk too much about it either. It worked for them, they went along with it. And they were really happy, no one could deny that. 

 

So what happened with Yoongi? Why did he leave? What was different for him? Because Hoseok still loves them both. Kihyun does too. 

 

 

_ “He left.”  _

 

_ “I know.”   _

 

_ Silence.  _

 

 

Hoseok lies next to Kihyun that night but doesn’t stop thinking about Yoongi. Kihyun falls asleep quickly, hugging his waist. Hoseok pulls him closer and plays with his hair, staring at his tired features. There is so much space on this bed, but they somehow always end up too close to each other. They’re too used to being crammed. 

 

This bed was the first thing the three of them bought together. Big enough for all of them. It was difficult to sleep there and not touch someone, even with so much space. They got used to that. Now they can’t sleep without touching. 

 

Yoongi’s absence is present in everything they do. 

 

It takes Hoseok a while to fall asleep and, when he finally does, he dreams of pianos and beers and rooftops and baby carrots and a voice he misses so much. 

 

 

Hoseok loves Kihyun’s body as much as he loves his mind. Not because of its shape, but because it’s Kihyun’s. He did the same with Yoongi. He loved worshipping him, he loved being worshipped too. 

 

Their first time happened on a summer day they were alone in Hoseok’s house. It got sweaty too easily, they were clumsy and it took them way too long. But it was loving and it felt good. 

 

Being alone with Kihyun wasn’t an unfamiliar concept to him. It’s not like they were all three all the time. Sometimes someone was away or way too tired or just not in the mood. They had done everything. But still, never having Yoongi around was weird. Hoseok knows Kihyun feels the same about this too. He knows from the way Kihyun touches him. He knows from how he occasionally runs the tip of his middle finger up Hoseok’s spine. That was Yoongi’s thing. Kihyun always used two to three fingertips to caress his skin up until then. 

 

 

Another month passes and Hoseok can’t reach a conclusion. He feels like he’s on this train that goes nowhere. There are no stops, nothing changes inside and the only passengers are Kihyun and him. He feels like he was driving this train with Yoongi and Kihyun, but ever since Yoongi hopped off he doesn’t know what to do to change its course. There’s a lever neither can reach, so they’re just waiting for something to happen instead of making it happen. 

 

Deep down Hoseok knows. Pretending they can reach the lever doesn’t help. They haven’t let go of Yoongi. They can’t take the train anywhere. But it feels like such an impossible thing to do. How can he let go of him? 

 

He almost asked Kihyun once some months ago, but he stopped himself. He wasn’t ready for any kind of answer. He just wanted to ask the question. But he couldn’t face what would come after that. 

 

It almost scares him how comforting the silence is. The few times they talked about Yoongi after the break up it was painfully obvious how much they both still missed him. But this situation had been feeling less and less right. He’s stuck and he’s reached a point where he’s stopping himself from moving on. 

 

His mind is empty when he gets up in the middle of the night. He knows Kihyun won’t be worried, running around the neighbourhood at random hours when he was stressed had always been his thing. It takes him a few minutes to walk out of the house in sweats and a hoodie. 

 

Five minutes later Hoseok realises two things. One, he’s not running. He’s walking, steady and decisive steps, his legs taking him somewhere. Two, that somewhere leads to one person. He’s going to find Yoongi. He knows where to look for him. 

 

With that dawning upon him, he only stops in his tracks for a couple of seconds before picking up his pace. He doesn’t think. He’ll back out if he will. He doesn’t want to back out, even if it's proven that his actions tonight are a mistake. 

 

He’s been walking for more than an hour. It’s dark and his clothes are black, but as he gets closer he notices that Yoongi doesn’t even flinch. As if he saw him from miles away. As if he always knew he would come. 

 

“Hey.” 

 

Yoongi raises his head and looks up at him. Hoseok watches him closely, sitting on those stairs, a beer in hand. 

 

He feels a million explosions inside him, seeing that loved face, those familiar mannerisms again. Yoongi hasn’t changed. Not but one thing. His gaze is soft as ever, but it’s clear to Hoseok that he’s keeping his distance. It’s not like before. 

 

“Hey.” 

 

“You don’t seem surprised to see me.” 

 

“I’m not. I didn’t know I’d see you today, but I knew this would come. We never said goodbye.” 

 

That last word breaks Hoseok. 

 

“Goodbye? Is that what you think I’m here to say?” 

 

“I don’t know what you want to say. But you’d never let it end like that.”  

 

It upsets Hoseok. It’s not just the break up. It upsets him how calm Yoongi is. As if it’s the natural order of things. As if it’s not the end of life as he knew it. 

 

“I want to say that I love you. I want to say that we both love you. We miss you. We barely talk about you, but it’s everywhere, you’re everywhere. I miss you, Yoongi. Please come back.” 

 

“I can’t.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Hoseok, it’s really over. That won’t change.” 

 

“How do you know? You never let us try!” 

 

It’s the sob that escapes from his throat that makes Hoseok realise how badly he’s crying. He doesn’t care though. He wipes his eyes with his sweater paws and looks back at Yoongi. He looks sad, but Hoseok can tell that he hasn’t changed his mind. 

 

“You really won’t come back.” 

 

Yoongi doesn’t reply for a while. Then, he moves, making space on the step he’s sitting on. He pats the cold stone and drinks the rest of his beer. 

 

Hoseok sits next to him. Yoongi’s voice is hoarse when he speaks again. He knows that he’s making an effort to put his emotions into words and he means every single one of them. 

 

“You can’t blame yourself, hyung. You made me really happy. Both of you. You truly did. It’s not your fault.” 

 

“You’re not pulling the “It’s not you, it’s me” card, are you?” 

 

“No, I’m not. It’s not you, but it’s not me either. It just stopped being what I want.” 

 

“You mean “we” stopped being what you want.” 

 

“I just fell out of love, hyung. Even though I still loved you. I still love you. That will never change. But I’m not in love with you anymore. Not like that.” 

 

Hoseok listens. He listens and he doesn’t reply. He sits there, next to him, looking down at his feet. He feels Yoongi’s gaze at him. When he looks up he’s met with sincerity and love. But a different kind of love than the one he’s used to getting from those eyes. He misses it. But for the first time it hurts a little less. 

 

 

When Hoseok goes back home it’s almost dawn. He enters the house quietly, hoping he won’t wake Kihyun up. 

 

He’s not that surprised when he sees he’s already awake. Kihyun is an early bird. He’s surprised to find him sitting at the edge of their bed, spacing out. He sits next to him and takes his hand. 

 

“Good morning, love. Slept well?” 

 

“Mhm. Until you left. I couldn’t settle afterwards.” 

 

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t want to wake you up.” 

 

“It’s okay. We don’t work today anyway. There’s time to rest.” 

 

Hoseok kisses Kihyun’s temple apologetically and noses his hair. 

 

“Good morning, by the way.” 

 

“Now he says it,” mumbles Hoseok against Kihyun’s skin while leaving wet kisses down his neck. He can hear his smile in his next words. 

 

“Well it just got better.” 

 

 

_ “Can I kiss you? One last time?”  _

 

_ “Falling back into old habits is a bad idea, for both of us. I can’t make that mistake.”  _

 

 

A couple of hours later they’re lying in bed, only in their underwear, Kihyun’s head resting on Hoseok’s arm, their legs intertwined. It makes Hoseok melt when Kihyun takes his hand and kisses it. 

 

“You smell like him you know.” 

 

Hoseok’s heart sinks. But Kihyun doesn’t look upset. 

 

“Did you sleep with him?” 

 

“No. We only talked and I kissed him on the cheek before leaving.” 

 

“Okay.” 

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you immediately.” 

 

“Don’t worry. I know you were gonna tell me. You hate lying and hiding things.” 

 

“Would you consider it cheating? Had I slept with him?” 

 

It takes Kihyun some time. 

 

“I should, shouldn’t I?” 

 

“That’s not what I’m asking.” 

 

“I don’t know. Probably.” 

 

“Have you met him since…?” 

 

“Once. But we didn’t talk.” 

 

“When?” 

 

“Three months after that night.” 

 

Hoseok brings Kihyun closer and kisses his forehead. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

 

Kihyun looks up at him. 

 

“You weren’t ready to talk. I wasn’t either.” 

 

Neither speaks for a while. 

 

“Kihyun?” 

 

“Hm?” 

 

“I love you.” 

 

“I love you, too.” 

  
  


Two more weeks pass. Kihyun comes home one day and tells Hoseok he met Yoongi. He doesn’t tell him what they talked about. Hoseok doesn’t ask. 

  
  


It’s another week later that Hoseok finds Kihyun crying in bed when he comes back from work. He rushes close to him, takes him in his arms. Kihyun is sobbing. 

 

“Shhh. It’s gonna be okay. I’m here.” 

 

“I can’t take it anymore, hyung.” 

 

“Baby, talk to me.” 

 

“I hate this bed. I hate this house. I hate mourning for someone that won’t come back, for a life I can’t have. I hate everything.” 

 

The words hit Hoseok like daggers. Kihyun is clinging to him, hiding his face in his chest, his fists tugging his shirt so hard that half of his back is exposed. He kisses the top of his head and tightens his hold around him. 

 

Right there, with Kihyun is his arms, Hoseok knows for the first time where he wants the train to go. He gives up on the third lever for good. 

 

“Kihyunnie. Marry me.” 

 

Kihyun’s sobs stop. He looks up with surprise written all over his face and tears everywhere. Hoseok cups his cheeks and keeps going. 

 

“I love you. And I’m sick of mourning that life too. You’re the most important thing in my life and I refuse to lose you because of this. I love you, Kihyunnie, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to make you smile again, to make you happy. So, if I’m not included in that life you hate,” Kihyun shakes his head vigorously and more tears run down his cheeks, “if you want to, please marry me. I don’t mind you not being over Yoongi, I’m not either. Not completely. But I’m working on it. And I’m shit at adjusting but I’ll do anything to make you happy.” 

 

Kihyun wraps his arms around Hoseok’s neck and hugs him as tightly as possible. Hoseok hugs Kihyun’s waist and hides his face in the crook of his neck. 

 

“Is that a yes,” he whispers. 

 

“No,” Kihyun says and, pulling back a little bit, he cups Hoseok’s face and leans in. “But this is,” he replies against his lips, before kissing him like he hadn’t in more than a year. 

 

 

They spend the next months preparing for their new life. They find a new apartment and buy everything from scratch. They’re not sure what to do with their old furniture, they belong to Yoongi too, so they put everything in a storage till they make a decision. 

 

They paint and decorate their house themselves. They make everything as fun as possible. Every night that they go to bed -their new, smaller bed, cozy just for them- they’re tired but also a little bit more excited. 

 

They go on dates again. Shopping dates to get their jobs done and cute dates to remind themselves why they fell in love in the first place. Hoseok notices Kihyun’s smile becoming brighter and brighter again and it fills his heart with joy. 

 

The next time they talk about Yoongi things are much easier. It’s Hoseok who asks if Kihyun still misses him. 

 

“A little bit. After all the three of us was all I ever knew. Isn’t it the same for you?” 

 

“I guess. It’s one of the reasons it was so difficult to make that decision, isn’t it?” 

 

“It is. Which makes me think how much harder it must have been for him.” 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“We have each other, hyung. Yoongi had to leave everything he knew behind. We were not just lovers, we were best friends all our lives. Yoongi left because it felt indecent to stay, since he no longer felt the same way we did. But it came at a huge cost for him.” 

 

Hoseok doesn’t reply for a while. He feels so stupid. He was so busy finding a way to cope with what he was feeling that he missed the most important thing. 

 

“Do you still consider him a friend?” 

 

“Of course I do. He is, after all, a huge part of our lives. That doesn’t change. I’m sure he thinks the same.” 

 

“Good. I have an idea.” 

 

 

On the last Saturday of May, in a small, open venue, in the presence of their closest friends and family, surrounded by countless, beautiful, tiny flowers in blue, pink and yellow pastel colours, they exchange their vows. It’s ideal. 

 

Their parents already knew that they wanted to pay for everything themselves, so they settled with buying their sons-in-law luxury watches, currently decorating their wrists. 

 

They have no wedding rings. Their friends, knowing how cheesy they are, were surprised to hear that they chose not to have them. But Kihyun and Hoseok don’t mind. Their marriage certificate and their dazzling grins are enough proof for them. 

 

There, under the spring sun, their lips touch as a promise to eternally love each other. They’re husbands now. 

 

Hoseok’s grin rivals the sun and Kihyun’s doesn’t fall behind in the least. And their happiness is shared with those who love them the most. All but one. 

 

Kihyun squeezes Hoseok’s hand as he leans closer to whisper. 

 

“I thought he would come.” 

 

“So did I.” 

 

“I wish he had.” 

 

“Kihyun.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“Look over there.” 

 

As Kihyun turns around towards where Hoseok is looking, Hoseok can feel his heartbeat on his wrist accelerating. Just like his own. 

 

Yoongi, in a simple black suit, is looking at them from a distance. He’s standing in the shadows, but there’s no way that body belongs to anyone else, both Hoseok and Kihyun know that. 

 

They interlock their fingers before excusing themselves and walking towards him. Some people turn around to look. Some are able to recognise him. Hoseok knows there will be whispers, but he’ll deal with that later. 

 

Yoongi is waiting for them. 

 

They go close to him, a meter away. He has the softest smile on. His eyes are wary but kind and warm as ever. 

 

“Congratulations.” 

 

“Thank you. We were hoping you would come,” Kihyun replies first. 

 

“I didn’t think you would invite me,” a relieved sigh escapes his lips, “I’m really, really glad you did.” He takes a second to look towards the guests. “Have they been asking about me?” 

 

Friends. Family. Even without knowing the details, everyone knew how close they were. 

 

“They did, at first. They learnt not to.” 

 

Yoongi knows that further questions on this will only make everyone sad. Hoseok sees him nodding and trying to sound relaxed. 

 

“I hope I won’t cause you much trouble here today. That’s why I didn’t come closer.” 

 

“You should have come,” Hoseok reassures him. 

 

“It’s fine, they don’t need excuses today and if they do, we’ll think of something. You should be there with us.” 

 

Kihyun’s words affect Yoongi the way Hoseok thought they would. Maybe even more. 

 

“Guys, I’m, I’m sorry, I don’t know-” 

 

“You’re rubbish at talking when you’re soft and emotional, Yoongs.” 

 

“You’re one to talk.” 

 

“We have something for you.” 

 

“What?” Yoongi looks up at Kihyun surprised, as Hoseok pulls a velvet box out of his pocket. 

 

“We don’t need wedding rings, but we both agreed that we absolutely want these,” he says, passing the box to Yoongi. He opens it and instantly tears start streaming down his face. 

 

There are three platinum rings inside, their three names engraved on the inside, separated by tiny embedded diamonds. 

 

“You’re still our best friend, Yoongs. The past one and a half year was tough but that hasn’t changed for either of us.” Kihyun’s voice is barely above a whisper and there are tears appearing in his eyes too. 

 

Hoseok is sure his face is already red from crying, but he doesn’t care. 

 

“It doesn’t matter if we go back to how we were before. We want you to know that you’ll always be our best friend and we’ll always be there for you.” 

 

“Even if we still need time to work on some things,’ Kihyun adds. 

 

Yoongi doesn’t reply. He can’t stop crying. He bites his bottom lip and nods. Hoseok knows he wants to say thank you, but his sobs are overwhelming. 

 

He doesn’t know if it’s him or Kihyun that let go of each other first, but he knows they hug Yoongi at the same time. 

 

Their friend is back. 

**Author's Note:**

> That's all, folks! Thank you for reading and I hope you liked it!  
> Kudos and comments always appreciated!


End file.
